Have You Ever...

Had that awkward moment when all your friends lives suck and there is nothing you can do about it, and anything you try to do to make it better, just ends up making it worse.

First, my friend confessed to this guy she was good friends with, and well, that didn't go too well. And so recently I've been trying to make her feel better by telling her that he was a douchebag anyway. But shes convinced that he didn't do a mexican hat dance on her heart. Even though the three months of tears and oh woe is me say otherwise.

Second, my other friend is having family problems. See, she likes the internet. And well, her parents like good grades. And the thing about her is that she is intelligent and wonderful and fantastic at last minute good grades as in like A's (says my C average). But her Dad hates her. with a burning passion. Like seriously. He always constantly yells at her for being on the internet and so yeah. Her mom is yelling at her because shes not nice to her dad that hates her. And so this morning she literally burst into tears. And we're talking about serious Never crying person here.

The thing that sucks about it is you can't really say, oh lets tell a guidance Councillor, because they will say, "LETS HELP" and then drop the subject some few months later. And my one friend yells at me for making fun of the toolbag of a mexican heart dancer, Matt, and seriously.

I have problems too. I know its selfish. but sometimes, i would like to talk about me. Now the friend with family issues, im not talking about. because she like never has problems. But The whole freaking Matt thing has gone on fro months im convinced that its been at least half a year. "Oh woe is me we're on a date but its not a date but everybody loves him but he doesn't love me but hes not a meanie because he doesn't live me hes a meanie because..."
Blah blah blah blah blah on and on and on. you know what Katie Smith? I'M MAD AT YOU FOR RUINING MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY BECAUSE YOU FELT LIKE CONFESSING TO MATT IN A FUCKING BLOG POST YOU DOUCHEY MCDOUCHEY DOUCHE FACE!
...
So yeah, my life's been great recently. GREAT FANTASTIC FUCKING WONDERFUL. *cough*
kthxbai

Classrooms and Politics are not Friends

Classrooms are a place of learning right?
Life Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
"But abortion violates life."
I hate you with a fiery burning passion from hell. Yeah, let's get the teacher, who hates the president, talking about politics, religion, and controversial issues. Shut the hell up. I don't fucking care if you hate abortion, I don't want it in my history lesson.

Stay Out of It.

Yeah, cause I totally shouldn't stand up for my friends.

I came to the conclusion.

Ya know what? Fuck it. Everyone's a douche-bag.

If I Cry Will I Feel Better?

So thsi guy I used to like was chatting with me today on facebook. And I was super excited. I didn't know why, perhaps it was because he and I were friends now or school is starting soon and that means classes. And we were talking about that and here's how the conversation went from there.
Guy, "when do you have lunch"
Me, "fifth"
And for some reason I couldn't understand I REALLY wanted his answer to be fifth as well.
Guy, "sixth"
i was silent for a while. I was also undeniably sad for another unknown reason.
Me, "aww"
Then I realized I might not be over him yet and that sucks, a lot. Because I told myself I was over him. I was all sad because I didn't have any classes with him and I really want a boyfriend this year, and then.
Guy, "hey do you if anna is still in band becu=ause she was not there this week."
...ouch
So what could i do but put up a stupid front about how i didn't care that he really wanted to know about Anna and not me.
Because let's face it, I'm fat and ugly and stupid and not fucking perfect Anna.
But any way i told him she was on vacation he was all "awesome"
And then I cried on the inside.
And then I ate cookie dough.
And then I told my friend.
PC: i'm sorry things have to suck
YOU: yeah
YOU: me too

KTHNXBAI

Never...

Remind me to never go to China. Unless I have one of those nifty droid phones that gives me internet access. I am so sorry Evies. here are some pictures I found on tumblr to make you feel better.
First one is a bridge they made somewhere... Portal Light bridge much?
The second one is my current wallpaper. Angel Beats thank you.
More portal. Chell.
The only good thing about the television show victorious.
Have fun in China and stuff.

Add caption

WHY!!!!

Why am I so freaking bored. I've been looking forward to staying home and doing nothing for the past... week and like. Now what?
Why was I so Excited? I dunno. I have nothing to fekking do! Seriously.
I am so bored. So like I wanna do stuff.
fa;lksern;vlkaje;lrkjvfg
Now If you haven't noticed i don't care about making this flow. I'm just babling. Rawom nom nom. I wanna watch anime but how can i find anime that isn't boring. Tumblr isn't fun cause i follow like three people.
So yeah.
Kthnxbai.

For Real?

So, I actually think I might make it! I'm actually going to make a web series. I'm not going talk about the plot or anything, but I'm seriously excited about making it. And making it good! So stay tuned for more information!

Err...

So I would go into some deep psychological bullshit about how "hes so awesome and shit and blah blah stuff that is really confusing and you thing I'm just pissed and not acually talking about something interesting" but alas I won't bore you. I'm just going to say.

I'm lonely so fucking lonely. Yes, I'm shallow, but you forget this is a blog. Yes, I'm going to be an attention whore for this post.

Sure, I've got friends. But I feel sad when people keep whining about guys and their boy issues and... I, I just want a boyfriend.

I want someone to keep me company, tell me that at the end of the night before i go to bed, "Hey, I love you. Hey here's a virtual hug. Hey, I can't wait to see you."

Yeah. I want someone to hold me constantly, someone to share their umbrella, someone to yell at those who tease me, someone to chill with me at lunch, to take me on dates, to open the door, to give me their jacket when its cold after walking away from olive garden after our dinner. Someone to tell me I'm special. Someone who's just sorta...

There.

kthxbai.

Dreamer

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an honest to god conversation with you.

Other times I'm glad just admiring from afar.

But it would be nice to know you, just a little, then I wouldn't feel so conceited. Just judging you on looks and how you act in public.

Honestly? I wish you would grab me in your arms
And hug me. Just once. Even if you left without saying anything. A smile would be nice. Or, perhaps the honor of saying my name... Not even.

If you could remember my name, that would be awesome.

Of course, that's how unfair life is. It was fun though, watching you skate down the hallway. Pretending you might remember me.

(thanks for dealing with my moodswings... Whoever wastes their time reading this. Yeah. Kthnxbai)

Beginnings

So we all know of the amazing gamers that have worked so hard to be able to a level seventy six thousand in the virtual world of RPG's. I just have to ask,

How?

I mean most people don't ask this question. because they never wonder how, the just sort of wish they could be as awesome at RPG's as said gamer. I mean gamers feel they have the right to call beginners n00bs because they are, after all, way better than whomever they are yelling at. But it make me realize that I don't want to be a hard-core gamer if there is always a level higher you can go or another player that is just a tiny bit better than you. Because thats what videogames do, they suck you in and want you to keep playing.

But how is it possible to get to that seventy six thousandth level. I feel that the only way to is to make your own video game that only you are awesome at playing.

That seems like too much work. I suck at video games and I will gladly admit to it. Doesn't mean that being called a n00b doesn't hurt. But though I stay silent through the online touture, I'd say to those who call me a n00b,

FUCK YOU. I may suck at video games, but I guarantee I have more friends and a better social life than you due to the fact that you spend WAY too much time on RPG's. I'll go back to my tumblr and My Little Pony, thanks.

And those who disagree can go screw themselves.

kthxbai.

Rapture

So Rapture....

Hahaha... nice one.

Wait, Tommorow? Really?

So the entire year, us Otakus wait for one thing and one thing only, CONVENTIONS!

And what do ya know? One Happens to be this weekend... wait, Today is Thursday. Tekko. Is. Tomorrow.

HOLY NOT-READY-YET BATMAN!

Err, well I guess I'm ready, but, still, can't it be i dunno? Next weekend?

Still, I'm super excited. I have two cosplays and I'm only planning on going friday and saturday. I might go sunday, but that depends on my endurance and stamina.

My two cosplays are Captain Hammer from Doctor Horrible for Friday and Rhyme from The World Ends With You on Saturday.

I'm super excited and can't wait!

Does It Really Get Better?

I'm starting to think it doesn't. Oh? It's not so bad you say? I beg to differ.

• I have an upper respiratory infection. I also happened to have given it to my ENTIRE family.
• I like this guy. And he posted on my wall, I think he's worried that I've been out all week. So I commented back. He hasn't.
• My friend Emily stopped by my house. To pick up my sister.
• For a Joanne's run. Okay, I never really liked fabric or sewing. For our group cosplay.
• "Oh, well buy me mine?" "Sure, sure." She gets home? Green Fabric, Green Fabric. And hey look! Nothing for Sierra. Yay.
• Oh, The top of my "Life's a Bitch" Sundae, Ashley the bitch that drove me insane on the band trip to Arizona? Yeah she keeps patronizing me. 
• And she thinks she's making it better.

So yeah, shoot me 'cause I wanna say "My Life Sucks"

Sick

So I have this friend that makes blog posts when she's sick about her symptoms. So here:

• Fever of almost 100 degrees
• "Chills" as my mom calls them but I clearly thing that is miss named because I have flashes of cold AND hot.
• Lethargic(ness?) even though I slept over twelve hours last night with trouble falling asleep and staying asleep
• Runny nose
• Horrible cough
• Burning sensation in the nose and throat (both solved when I constantly drink tea but I can't constantly drink while sleeping.)
• Feeling that I don't know what I'm doing or what some people would call hallucinogenic (although I sorta feel that way all the time)

Arizona Turns Me Into A Bitch

Alright since I've already sworn in the title of this blog, so I'll tell you. I'm a bitch. and those who doubt it, don't actually know me.

I mean, don't think Arizona is bad or anything but when you stay up until twelve fifteen and are expected to wake up at four in the morning the next day... Arizona can make somebody a bitch. And somebody that already makes snarky comments to anybody and everybody, it got worse. A lot worse. And its true. I used to be subtly a bitch, but now... Its just like insult after insult coming from my mouth.

Its gotten so bad. Somebody accidentally bumps into me in a mall, I will blow shit. And I have a secret.

I cry. I mean sometimes I cry in public, but I try my best not to. And so I cry before I go to bed. Every night. And I'll weep. For hours listening to sad music. Not only will I cry, but I have no reason. I just cry.

And it became a normal thing before the trip. So when I left, it got bad. Really bad. I lasted two days before I broke down in the middle of the trip. In the food court of a mall. And all my friends asked "What's wrong?" and "Why are You Crying?" But All I could do was suck up my tears and say "nothing" because that was the truth. I wasn't crying for any particular reason. I was just sort of, sad.

So say what you wish. I'm insane. I'm depressed. And I'm lonely. I'm glad to be home. And sure, Arizona was amazing and beautiful, but it made me sad. And it made me realize how depressed I really am. All the time. And I am just so confused and tired and sad. There isn't any other way of saying it. And If you only remember one thing form this entire blog remember:

I am sad.

But maybe it isn't just me. My friend cracked as well. She grabbed cake off a fork with her bare hand. And debated eating it purely so the girl she was arguing with couldn't eat it.

My other friend started doing things that I usually do. Making little comments that are really mean and judgmental, but in her head. And she is one of the nicest people I know.

So maybe It was Arizona. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the lack of sleep and overstuffed schedule. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

But truthfully, I think its me. I think its just me being a bitch that has gone completely insane. So until I have an answer for that, I'll just be Sierra the bitch. The Sierra that has mental problems.