Alright since I've already sworn in the title of this blog, so I'll tell you. I'm a bitch. and those who doubt it, don't actually know me.
I mean, don't think Arizona is bad or anything but when you stay up until twelve fifteen and are expected to wake up at four in the morning the next day... Arizona can make somebody a bitch. And somebody that already makes snarky comments to anybody and everybody, it got worse. A lot worse. And its true. I used to be subtly a bitch, but now... Its just like insult after insult coming from my mouth.
Its gotten so bad. Somebody accidentally bumps into me in a mall, I will blow shit. And I have a secret.
I cry. I mean sometimes I cry in public, but I try my best not to. And so I cry before I go to bed. Every night. And I'll weep. For hours listening to sad music. Not only will I cry, but I have no reason. I just cry.
And it became a normal thing before the trip. So when I left, it got bad. Really bad. I lasted two days before I broke down in the middle of the trip. In the food court of a mall. And all my friends asked "What's wrong?" and "Why are You Crying?" But All I could do was suck up my tears and say "nothing" because that was the truth. I wasn't crying for any particular reason. I was just sort of, sad.
So say what you wish. I'm insane. I'm depressed. And I'm lonely. I'm glad to be home. And sure, Arizona was amazing and beautiful, but it made me sad. And it made me realize how depressed I really am. All the time. And I am just so confused and tired and sad. There isn't any other way of saying it. And If you only remember one thing form this entire blog remember:
I am sad.
But maybe it isn't just me. My friend cracked as well. She grabbed cake off a fork with her bare hand. And debated eating it purely so the girl she was arguing with couldn't eat it.
My other friend started doing things that I usually do. Making little comments that are really mean and judgmental, but in her head. And she is one of the nicest people I know.
So maybe It was Arizona. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the lack of sleep and overstuffed schedule. Maybe it was a combination of all three.
But truthfully, I think its me. I think its just me being a bitch that has gone completely insane. So until I have an answer for that, I'll just be Sierra the bitch. The Sierra that has mental problems.
