Beginnings

So we all know of the amazing gamers that have worked so hard to be able to a level seventy six thousand in the virtual world of RPG's. I just have to ask,

How?

I mean most people don't ask this question. because they never wonder how, the just sort of wish they could be as awesome at RPG's as said gamer. I mean gamers feel they have the right to call beginners n00bs because they are, after all, way better than whomever they are yelling at. But it make me realize that I don't want to be a hard-core gamer if there is always a level higher you can go or another player that is just a tiny bit better than you. Because thats what videogames do, they suck you in and want you to keep playing.

But how is it possible to get to that seventy six thousandth level. I feel that the only way to is to make your own video game that only you are awesome at playing.

That seems like too much work. I suck at video games and I will gladly admit to it. Doesn't mean that being called a n00b doesn't hurt. But though I stay silent through the online touture, I'd say to those who call me a n00b,

FUCK YOU. I may suck at video games, but I guarantee I have more friends and a better social life than you due to the fact that you spend WAY too much time on RPG's. I'll go back to my tumblr and My Little Pony, thanks.

And those who disagree can go screw themselves.

kthxbai.

Rapture

So Rapture....

Hahaha... nice one.

Wait, Tommorow? Really?

So the entire year, us Otakus wait for one thing and one thing only, CONVENTIONS!

And what do ya know? One Happens to be this weekend... wait, Today is Thursday. Tekko. Is. Tomorrow.

HOLY NOT-READY-YET BATMAN!

Err, well I guess I'm ready, but, still, can't it be i dunno? Next weekend?

Still, I'm super excited. I have two cosplays and I'm only planning on going friday and saturday. I might go sunday, but that depends on my endurance and stamina.

My two cosplays are Captain Hammer from Doctor Horrible for Friday and Rhyme from The World Ends With You on Saturday.

I'm super excited and can't wait!

Does It Really Get Better?

I'm starting to think it doesn't. Oh? It's not so bad you say? I beg to differ.

• I have an upper respiratory infection. I also happened to have given it to my ENTIRE family.
• I like this guy. And he posted on my wall, I think he's worried that I've been out all week. So I commented back. He hasn't.
• My friend Emily stopped by my house. To pick up my sister.
• For a Joanne's run. Okay, I never really liked fabric or sewing. For our group cosplay.
• "Oh, well buy me mine?" "Sure, sure." She gets home? Green Fabric, Green Fabric. And hey look! Nothing for Sierra. Yay.
• Oh, The top of my "Life's a Bitch" Sundae, Ashley the bitch that drove me insane on the band trip to Arizona? Yeah she keeps patronizing me. 
• And she thinks she's making it better.

So yeah, shoot me 'cause I wanna say "My Life Sucks"

Sick

So I have this friend that makes blog posts when she's sick about her symptoms. So here:

• Fever of almost 100 degrees
• "Chills" as my mom calls them but I clearly thing that is miss named because I have flashes of cold AND hot.
• Lethargic(ness?) even though I slept over twelve hours last night with trouble falling asleep and staying asleep
• Runny nose
• Horrible cough
• Burning sensation in the nose and throat (both solved when I constantly drink tea but I can't constantly drink while sleeping.)
• Feeling that I don't know what I'm doing or what some people would call hallucinogenic (although I sorta feel that way all the time)

Arizona Turns Me Into A Bitch

Alright since I've already sworn in the title of this blog, so I'll tell you. I'm a bitch. and those who doubt it, don't actually know me.

I mean, don't think Arizona is bad or anything but when you stay up until twelve fifteen and are expected to wake up at four in the morning the next day... Arizona can make somebody a bitch. And somebody that already makes snarky comments to anybody and everybody, it got worse. A lot worse. And its true. I used to be subtly a bitch, but now... Its just like insult after insult coming from my mouth.

Its gotten so bad. Somebody accidentally bumps into me in a mall, I will blow shit. And I have a secret.

I cry. I mean sometimes I cry in public, but I try my best not to. And so I cry before I go to bed. Every night. And I'll weep. For hours listening to sad music. Not only will I cry, but I have no reason. I just cry.

And it became a normal thing before the trip. So when I left, it got bad. Really bad. I lasted two days before I broke down in the middle of the trip. In the food court of a mall. And all my friends asked "What's wrong?" and "Why are You Crying?" But All I could do was suck up my tears and say "nothing" because that was the truth. I wasn't crying for any particular reason. I was just sort of, sad.

So say what you wish. I'm insane. I'm depressed. And I'm lonely. I'm glad to be home. And sure, Arizona was amazing and beautiful, but it made me sad. And it made me realize how depressed I really am. All the time. And I am just so confused and tired and sad. There isn't any other way of saying it. And If you only remember one thing form this entire blog remember:

I am sad.

But maybe it isn't just me. My friend cracked as well. She grabbed cake off a fork with her bare hand. And debated eating it purely so the girl she was arguing with couldn't eat it.

My other friend started doing things that I usually do. Making little comments that are really mean and judgmental, but in her head. And she is one of the nicest people I know.

So maybe It was Arizona. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the lack of sleep and overstuffed schedule. Maybe it was a combination of all three.

But truthfully, I think its me. I think its just me being a bitch that has gone completely insane. So until I have an answer for that, I'll just be Sierra the bitch. The Sierra that has mental problems.

My Monologue Is Depressing

So in acting, we're supposed to do a monologue on hunger. It's depressing so, I decided to shove it on my viewers!~
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I Love Him.

Seriously. I actually think I love him. But, different than before. Not like other crushes. It wasn't infatuation. I can see his flaws. And still, I feel this way.

But. He could be gone. In a matter of seconds. She, she asked him out. My own friend. Some one I laughed with, and cried with. Someone I told almost EVERYTHING. And When she told me, many thoughts ran through my grief stricken head.

Anger, that she'd asked him out. And pretended like the entire argument we had yesterday meant nothing to her.

Frustration, that she had the guts to do it.

Disappointment, in myself, that she had the guts and I didn't. 

Luckily, He hasn't responded yet. And, I'm glad. But, nervous. That there is still the chance he could say yes. And it depresses me. That he could love her and forget all times we shared.

Yet I won't relinquish the feelings I have. I still feel so strongly. Why? I say I love him, and its because, I do. I just can't bring myself to tell him.

Sure he's got his flaws. He's not very good-looking, and he has this ungodly way of bragging about himself but his pros! He can fill a room with light. And he's incredibly intelligent. He's got one of those personalities that just, attract me. His cons may be plentiful but his pros, could fill the grand canyon and still need more room.

Though he has some really bad traits, I would put them all aside, purely for the talks we have. The subtle smiles and laughter. How he could make the entire world around me disappear.

Just me and him. In a hallway, that's all I ask. Him. His mystical way of making me feel special.